Observations in the Public Gallery at Blackpool Magistrates’ Court


And in the slumbering afternoon the courtroom droned as magistrates
Went through formalities in tones designed to bore and obfuscate.
Breece Cameron Smiley, there’s a name that stuck forever in my head.
‘Grand Buggery’ his charge. I never found out what it meant, instead,
Some loud-mouthed skanks were drinking beer behind me, swapping lurid thoughts,
When suddenly a voice rang out: “Er…are you drinking in this court?”
“So? W’at y’ gonna do about it?” one girl asked with Grange Park wit.
Two doors flew open in the floor. Emerging swiftly from some pit
Policemen came with ashen faces, brandishing their gleaming cuffs,
And dragged the screaming feral girls out of the doors, then rather roughly
Barrelled them to cells unseen, with shrieks of “Oy, geddoff me, man!”
“That’s what,” the magistrate replied, returning to the case at hand.


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